home is wherever i'm with you

Not sure if it's because i adored Charlotte's Web as a child or what, but i have a teensy spider living in my kitchen, on the counter near the sink, next to the knife block*. i noticed him there one day and thought, Hm. What should i do with him? Since i'm not a bug-squasher or a girly screamer, the only option left seemed to be capturing him and relocating him to the out-of-doors. . . But then i leaned in for a closer look, curious as to why a spider would build a web in such a high-traffic, potentially splashy area. Slowly it dawned on me. Of course! The clever little bastard had settled there because of one thing, and one thing only: the nearby proximity of fruit.

Now i know what you're thinking: spiders don't eat fruit, you ignoramus. And you'd be correct. But they DO eat fruit flies, and it just so happens that i always keep lots of fruit on the counter. Don't have a fruit bowl, don't even have the room for one. But i line up my bananas, mangoes, oranges and pears like nobody's business. And from time to time, the abundance gets away from me. Or the garbage doesn't get taken out as much as it should (heh heh). And then, the fruit flies come.

They are probably my least favorite bug. Give me the heebie-jeebies, big time. i'm pretty sure it all stems from a horrifying experience i had as a young teenager, involving a dark cupboard drawer where we kept our potatoes, and lots of time passing before anyone was inspired to actually eat one of those potatoes. . . needless to say, the person who finally decided to look in that foreboding drawer was me, and instead of finding shriveled up, benign husks i was affronted with an awful sour smell and a swarm of fruit flies straight into my face. Eyes, nose, mouth, hell–even my ears. i went bonkers for a minute there, pretty sure. Not good.

So this is where Spidery comes in (no, i haven't given him a name (yet)). i let him stay, and he keeps the fruit fly population in check. Works out great, really. Plus, i really feel as though i have a companion when i'm in the kitchen, bored out of my mind washing dishes or whatnot. And when i see an evil red fruit fly wrapped up nice and tight in a silk cocoon, my heart just swells with pride. Wish we could tiny hi-five.

*Funny thing about that knife block: none of those fuckers even work any more. Nat had them when i met him, ten years ago almost, and they were crappy then. Big, cheap, serrated things, only one of which i ever use: the small one, for when i need to open packing tape on cardboard boxes. So why do we keep the knife block? Just 'cause. (read: extreme dysfunction).