A Taste of Daily Life in P.B., A Cautionary Tale.

i work at an outdoor flower shop–basically right smack on the sidewalk–on the main drag of the town where i live. There is no actual "shop" or storefront; there is nowhere to run away to when things on the street (the constant traffic noise, annoying people, dramatic weather) are just too much too handle. As someone who is something of a sponge, a day at work tends to give me a bad case of Sensory Overload.

This scene actually unfolded in front of me while i was at work yesterday:

It all started with a sound. A loud, somehow familiar but incongruous sound... was it a modified truck horn? My head cocked, waiting to hear it again. There! Okay, it was definitely a lowing sound, like a cow's 'moo'. Was it one of those electronic key-chain dealies, or a kid walking by with one of those old cylindrical toys, where you flip it over and the retreating air produces that unmistakable bovine utterance? i scanned my surroundings frantically.

But alas, it wasn't any of those things.

It was an Asshole In A Truck.

Actually, it was precisely Three Assholes In A Truck, cruising down Garnet Avenue with a bullhorn, a passable heifer impersonation, and some time to kill. They were all laughing hysterically inside the cab, not to mention driving only 5 miles an hour and causing a long line of cars to pile up behind them. And were they blasting this fucking 'moo' towards anyone in earshot? Were they just a bunch of merry pranksters? Was this an irreverent performance art piece? A fraternity pledge? An advertising scheme for the new FroYo place around the corner?

Nope. It was actually just pure, senseless destruction.


The target of their auditory assault? A chubby girl, riding her bike down the sidewalk across the street.

And they were slowing down, repeatedly mooing at her, while she did her best to bravely ignore them. Finally it was too much for her to take, and she whipped her head to the left, shooting them the Look Of Death. They cackled with glee and roared off, barely making it through the yellow light at the intersection. The poor girl had to stop at the corner and wait for the light to turn green, no doubt burning with shame and embarrassment.

Yeah, but aren't you just projecting? you might ask. Possibly, but considering that i have been through multiple similar episodes throughout my entire life, i'm gonna say... no. Pretty sure they gave her a healthy dose of psychological and spiritual anguish, and no doubt ruined her entire day as well.

My stomach was twisting itself into knots and i could feel the rage rising to the surface of my skin, burning and insatiable. Merciless. i wanted to hurt them. It would have been nice if i was a super capable stealth sling-shotter, and could have launched something into their rear window– not to hit them, but just to put a nice, loud, expensive hole in the glass. To make them jump in their seats, and let them taste a little fear and persecution for once. Make their hearts race, their brows furrow, and their inner calm go all fucking awry.

But isn't is it true that two wrongs don't make a right? But then what about retribution? Is it so wrong to hope that karma comes back and bites them all in the ass, each and every last one of them?

i'd like to think not.