It's a small world.... after all.

Three examples (in ascending order):

1) A few years ago, i was at a get-together. You know the kind: my sister's co-worker was having a housewarming party. There was lots of beer, an awesome soundtrack playing loudly from the crappy boombox in the (dirty) kitchen, and tons of fashionable, hip people i didn't know. We spent most of the night in the hostess's bedroom, playing with her fat, orange cat and talking about books and music; generally hiding from everyone. As the one o'clock hour approached, suddenly a bunch of people were sitting on the floor near our little group, talking animatedly. i turned an ear over to their conversation and heard little snippets, which began to slowly fill me with a creeping dread: Have you heard from Caty recently? -Ugh, that fucking suckup. i went to culinary school with her, and she's such a snob! -Yeah, i just saw her on some stupid cable-access show, showing that shitty bakery where she works and all of those crappy cakes she makes. -Yeah, anyone here could bake a better cake than her! That bakery sucks. Their cakes are so dry and awful. -Seriously, if i wanted tasteless, rock-hard butter spread on dry bread, that's where i'd go. ::laughter, laughter::

Oh, MY god. They're talking about a woman i work with. That "shitty bakery" is where i work, for fuck's sake. Suddenly i am on the verge of a panic attack. My body is tingling, and i can barely hear what my sister or my boyfriend are talking about. i smile nervously and try to shrink away into nothingness, realizing that if Hilary or Nat hear what the people next to us are saying, the jig is up. They will say something, and i do not want that. i just want to fucking leave- like, now. So i jump up and kind of hint to them that i'm tired and have to work in the morning (at the shittiest bakery on the planet!, my mind cackles insanely), so i'm gonna get going. They seem a little startled, probably wondering why i'm suddenly itching to hie on out, but they are game. The group near us has moved on to talking about comics, or something. Outside, we unlock our bikes and get pedaling. A block away i break my silence, and they are laughing in disbelief. Why didn't you say anything?! they ask me. Ah, for the two people that arguably know me best out of anyone in the world, they don't know me at all.
The funniest part about all of this was that while our bakery was pretty widely-known as a cut above the rest (in terms of pastries, cookies, tartes, eclairs, etc.), our cakes really did suck. They were just not very good, and desperately needed (still need?) to be updated. So even though i basically agreed with these people, could i bring up the hilariousness of it all and have a laugh with them, these complete strangers? Nope. Absolutely not.

Sometimes i wish i was someone else.


2) A girl i work with right now (Apes) at the flower shop was running in the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco this past October. She invited me along, as she was driving up and knew that i missed my hometown (Berkeley, actually, but anywhere near the Bay is close enough!) and would love to get up there for a visit. So of course i accepted, to cheer her on and to visit my best friend up there. In the days before we left San Diego, we got to discussing San Francisco. i asked her if she had ever been up there, and her answer was Only once.
Apparently she was passing through with some friends years ago and her one desire was to go out to a live music show on the one night they were there. They ended up at some dive-y place, listening to a terrible band called The Vanishing. Apes said: i remember the name because my friend commented: 'God, i wish The Vanishing would just vanish!!'
So, at this point in her story i was grinning wickedly. What, what?!? Apes asked me. i shook the blush from my cheeks and offered up the nugget of truth: Hey Apes, guess what me and Nat's favorite local band was back in the day when we lived up there?
Oh my god. She looked at me with giant eyes. Heather, i'm so sorry!!
i was falling on her laughing, now. It's okay! Hey, different strokes for different folks, you know? i can understand why someone wouldn't like them, absolutely- they are very noisy and the singer was a bit of a prima donna, anyway i just think it's funny that you got to see them! i wonder if we were even at the same show...!
(they were fairly short-lived and this was back in 2001 or so, and Nat and i were so sad when they broke up and/or moved to Germany.)

3) The craziest one for me, though, happened on my first or second day of work at my last job, a French bakery (see part 1, above :P) in Oakland. It was 8:30 or so, half an hour after we'd opened, and i was high on No Sleep and New Job. We were very busy, but i was having a good time. i send a customer off with a bag full of various combinations of flour, butter, and sugar, and make eye contact with the next person in line. He comes up to the counter, a short, dark-haired man in jeans and a dress shirt. What can i get for ya? i smile and raise my eyebrows. Uhhh, excuse me, this is strange question... were you just in Paris? comes out, in a thick French accent. He looks almost shell-shocked or something. i became absolutely breathless in a matter of seconds. People nearby are kind of staring out of the corner of their eyes, and pretending not to listen to this strange exchange. Yes! i say, incredulous. We just got back a month and a half ago! We went to Europe for 2 weeks! And we were in Paris for a few days How did you know that?! He smiles at me as he pulls out his wallet. Because i live there! And i saw you, in front of the Notre Dame one day! You were with a... rather tall gentleman ::holds his hand way above his head:: Wow. i was just reeling, it was really way too weird for words. He said he was visiting the Bay Area on business, and had heard about this bakery and thought he would try it. How amazing, honestly. We just smiled and smiled at each other, as people around us shared in the moment. When he left with his pastries, weaving through the crowd towards the front door, i knew i would never see him again. But it was a great feeling, for some reason. And i never even got his name.