Feelin' fine.

After being sick for a week, i think it is gone, gone, gone. My sister pointed out that my sudden stoppage of nicotine inhalation may be adding some uncomfortable elements to my current lung snafu... anyway, i've coughed up some pretty nasty stuff (don't you love reading this?) and been inside for about five days now, so yeah. Think i'm ready to hit the great wide world now, with my new, amazing (hopefully) lungs.

It also came to my attention that i haven't had any coffee since January first, which sincerely amazes me. It's just that when i'm sick, even the thought of a cup of joe sort of makes my skin crawl. So should i use this as an opportunity to wean myself off of the black stuff? Not that i drink it black, in fact i prefer milk and sugar- brown- sugar.. but still. Someone as high-strung as me probably doesn't need to be imbibing any caffeinated beverages on the whole. Hm. i think i'm gonna go with it. See if i can mellow out a little, which would indeed be nice. Walking down the street without feeling like i'm going to have a panic attack for absolutely no reason would be a welcome change, that's for sure.

Also, hooray: my chapped hands have finally healed up. For some reason, while we were up North, the skin on my knuckles got seriously fucking fucked. At the airport on the way home, i was fairly certain that people were avoiding me because they didn't want to catch whatever i had... what they didn't know was that i was merely lotion-deprived, and had probably washed too many dishes and made too many snowballs. Seriously: it was gnarly.

And i forgot to tell you all about one of the most fun things we did on our winter vacation: the Redneck Dog Run. (those are my sister's words, so it's okay.)
On the second night we were there, Hilary drove Nat and i and three dogs up to a remote road in the snowy wilds. i squeezed in the back of the tiny Nissan truck with Eris, Hilary's brown-sugar with bat-ears pit bull, and Nat got the shottie. Her bf's two black lab (with some Newfoundland? anyway, they had big paws) adorables rode in the bed, tongues lolling in the icy cold. We were trying to beat the light, but failed, and ended up running the dogs in the blue half-light that is my favorite time of day, and into the darkness.

Basically once you're at the beginning of the road, you let the dogs out, and start the car and drive. We probably topped out at fifteen or twenty, the dogs racing along in front of us almost the whole time. They are leaving lovely tracks in the (no longer) unspoiled snow on the side of the road, which reminds me of Winnie the Pooh for some reason. Eris actually manages to look small next to Zeke and Jack, and when they bound ahead of her she shifts gears and always regains her ground. Eventually, Eris and Zeke run off the road somewhere, where we lose track of them for about 15 minutes. We use this time to get out of the car and have a snowball fight, and throw some hunks of ice up in the air for Jack. Why do dogs love this game so much? No matter. We love it too.
Driving back down the road, whistling into the cold air for the last 2 dogs, hoping that all is well. Finally a black shape: Jack's brother is back. But where is Eris? Ah, here she is, looking humbled, indeed. We will never know where they were that evening. She hops back in the back of the cab with me, and we all head home. The dogs are tuckered out all night. And i sincerely hope that i get to do this again someday.

p.s.) if you have a lot of free time, and i'm sayin' a LOT, then get lost over at the Weblog Awards. i've found some funny stuff, like Sleeveface and Raymi and my new music blog. And if any of these aren't your cup of tea, there is plenty more where that came from. But honestly, you might lose an afternoon. And an evening, and the wee hours........

Poisons.

It's interesting to me, that when i am sick my body balks at the thought (or sight, or smell) of things that it knows are not good for it. It makes perfect sense, but i find it absolutely fascinating. One of the first thing that alerts me to an impending illness is that cigarettes start to taste strange. "Uh-oh," i think, "this is it."
A bad night's sleep, and much sneezing and coughing later, i wake up to make a cup of coffee, only to realize that the idea of drinking a cup of that foul brew sounds like the worst idea in the world.
Wait a minute- foul brew? Did i really just think that? Yep, it's true. The simple pleasure that i truly look forward to every morning has turned into an impossibly disgusting task. i can't even think about it for too long; there is just no question. Tea it is. Herbal tea. (uh-oh, am i an elitist?)

It makes me realize that these substances can't possibly be good for me. Even if i refuse to realize it, my body tells me the truth when it's trying to muster its defenses against an attack. It's pretty amazing.

Cut to five days later, and i am seriously hankering for a cup of joe. As health slowly returns to my cells and body processes, i feel a switch turning on in my brain. i believe it is the one that screams: Give me caffeine! Or, it might just be the fact that i am an extreme creature of habit, and having something missing from your daily routine starts to gnaw on you after awhile.

...nah, i think it's probably just the caffeine.

In any case, i am looking forward to having a strong cup of coffee tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day, i can feel it! Right, box of tissues? Right, cough drops? Right, giant sweater that i only ever wear when i am just feeling A-1 crappy?

Right. You guys are done.

But then i ask myself: is this perhaps a good time to wean myself off of the stuff? Actually, i guess it is far too late for that, as i have already gone "cold turkey" (i call wtf on that saying, by the way) on the coffee. Should i let it ride? We all know that coffee isn't inherently "good" for you, but damn is it ever delicious! Plus, i saw a news report somewhere awhile back showing that women who drank one or more (not sure if there was a limit) cups of coffee a day turned out to be more intelligent when they got older. As in, over fifty. Which i surely hope to reach some day; that is, if i can manage to quit smoking cigarettes.

Shoot, this is a tough decision. Although, if i quit smoking soon (which i will, okay? get off my back, dang), i'm going to need a fallback vice. It's just the honest truth. In times past, i've used friendship bracelet-making, chewing on cinnamon sticks, and eating. Oh yes, the eating. That just comes with the territory. But give up coffee too? What am i, a saint? Um, nope.

Guess i'll go wash my favorite mug. Ah, anticipation is a delight, ain't it?