Pluerosis.

So, last night, for the first time in my entire dreaming life, i had a dream with a recurring character in it; in fact, a made-up character.

i was working at the flower shop. He was buying a large container arrangement with 30 blue roses for his recently deceased friend, Monica (?). The weird part was: either in the end of the dream (lucidly) or after i woke up, i remembered that the girl that had died was in a dream i had a few nights before, and he was her boyfriend. We were trying to "save" her from something, but now days later i can't remember the specific details.

In this new dream, though, he was wearing a leather coat and a blue scarf, and at one point dropped a beaded leather moccasin with metal (copper) detailing, that i bent and picked up for him. He was very tall, and smiled a lot, even though i profusely apologized after being funny and cavalier while picking out the 30 blue roses (which we had that exact number of), then finding out what the occasion was. He (in the beginning of the dream) literally walked up while i was checking the drawer totals for that morning and noticing how slow sales were. Well, this oughta make it better, he said, and wrote an order down for $202.92. i was surprised, and set out to help him. it was bright, and cold that day.

i wonder if i'll see this fellow again?

i think it's so groovy, now...

I'm going to check out a community garden today. And because i am STILL feeling hung over from Saturday night (yikes!), i don't feel capable of any actual human interaction, so i'll probably just do a drive-by. On my bike, that is. But the thought of being able to, you know, plant stuff... well, it's pretty damned exciting! i even have a few seed packets for some reason (being in Long's at one a.m. will do that to you): columbine, sweet peas, and sage. So those should all be winners, and how could i not grow tomatoes? Don't you sort of have to do that in a community garden?
Guess i'll have to look into what time everything needs to be sown. You can't just throw some seeds in the earth and water, right? Well, it looks like i'm gonna find out. i'll keep you all apprised, whether you like it or not.

Easter's coming up, so it should be a long stretch of work week for us flower girls. But this is a good thing 'in today's economy' (dammit, i swore i would never use that phrase!). i wonder how many abominable "basket gardens" i'm going to have to make, though? Hmmmmm.

Blech.

~~~~~~

In other news: in my dream last night, i was having a race in a drained swimming pool (which conveniently had track lanes marked on the bottom!) while wearing massive stilts. it was insane. Later i raced to the airport, where i missed my plane due to a 20 minute connection window and a labyrinthine airport. Finally on another flight, i put the headphones on and stared out the window, crying, because Pearl Jam's "Release Me" was playing, and it was hittin' me where it hurts (the Nostalgia Zone). Then i woke up, and it was blasting through my radio alarm. Love when that happens!

Also, is anyone else sad the the postal service is hittin' the skids? i find this state of things immensely gloomy... perhaps we should start Operation: Postcard, or something. Stop writing emails, people! WRITE MORE LETTERS. Paper letters! Stamps, stationery, envelopes, wax seals, silver pens, whatever! There is nothing like a personal touch, no? Anyone here ever have a pen pal? Remember those? Ahhh, those were the days...

Reach out in the darkness, and you may find a friend.

Helen Levitt:

Another great photographer you never knew about.

NPR has a short article and a slide show of some of her (really killer) photos over here.

Another good reason i should really stop dicking around and just get to school, already. i could have learned about her ages ago. It's not surprising, either, that she made two documentaries in the '40s with another extremely talented individual, James Agee. i've gotta get my hands on those...


Had a labyrinthine dream last night involving babies and pearl anklets... in Part One, i was carting this baby around on my hip for hours. i was at work (the bakery, my old job), and i couldn't find a place to put him down so as to get anything done. At one point someone left the door open and i was in a rage because the baby had managed to toddle out into the hallway. Curious, we ventured down to the large windows at the end of the hall together, where a college class was assembled on the stairwell quietly watching the goings-on outside with great interest. The "goings-on" i speak of were an intense armageddon/firestorm scenario. i felt like all the wind got knocked out of me, so baby and i sat down heavily on the steps and watched, in silence, with the rest of them.
Eventually, we got up to leave but some of the students swarmed around us (were they fleeing?) and blocked our way back to the room we had been in. Two men started duking it out right there in front of us, very viciously, so nearby that i was cringing and trying to cover the baby with my head and arms as best i could.

Trip out!

Anyway, in Part 2, i was at a huuuuuuuuuge flea market with my sister, and we were scoping the scene for a really important piece of jewelry. Basically i was just following her around, up and down rickety stairwells and peeking behind dirty tarps until she finally saw what she was looking for from a raise walkway. There! she pointed. i followed her finger down to a small studio space where a woman was belly-dancing rhythmically. i couldn't see what my sister was trying to show me, but finally it appeared: beneath the woman's long russet-hued skirts, i saw a flash on her ankle. She had an exquisite pearl anklet on her left leg. This was the "jackpot", apparently. It meant something, somehow, which was beyond me. A creepy guy had attached himself to out cause, at some point, and now he and my sister argued about how to wrest this priceless bauble form the woman's ankle. After a half-hour of listening to (increasingly sketchy) scenarios, i finally offered up, How about we just ask her how much it is? It's probably not very much. We can just pay her, no? and they looked at me like i was crazy. But my sister grudgingly agreed. The woman penciled the price on a grubby slip of paper and handed it back to us: $37.95. i felt a wave of relief wash over me but one look at my sister and her cohort was all i needed to know that this adventure was far from over. Their faces were wide with shock.


So yeah! interesting night up there, in the ol' brain pan. Gosh, to be a fly on the wall in there- oh. Wait.

Ta ta!

Reality was an ice cube...

..melting away, but then re-freezing.

i woke up today in a state of shock, it felt like, and nothing could make me feel better. My eyes were immediately wide-open, which is weird, and i was even scared of Nat. i felt like being in reality was too good to be true. i have never in my life had such a powerful dream, one that had such resonance and residue in my waking world. It was without a doubt the worst dream i have ever had.
it was crippling, and terrifying.. i felt enslaved by the fear the whole time, and so overwhelmed and sick that i might throw up/faint at any time... is that even possible in a dream? Do you merely faint into your waking life? i have yet to find out.

To sum up: i was visiting my (actual) old best friend from when i was a kid, Molly. We were at her (actual) childhood home, in my (actual) childhood neighborhood, and we were back in the early '80s... only we were all grown up, in our late twenties.

A lot of the beginning of this dream is foggy, but something bad happened to Molly. something that Nat and i were responsible for (accident, or neglect..), and she was dead. We had chopped her up and put her in a trash bag and got rid of her somehow; tossed it in a lake, i believe.

Then i found out Nat was time-traveling (to prevent that from happening, maybe?), but something fucked up in the fabric of time. He was taking a shower in Molly's bathroom while i was freaking out in the hallway and her creepy 3-year old daughter was walking around with a pen that she drew oil paintings on the floorboards with, paintings of her dead mommy's ghost. More specifically, her dead mommy's ghost's shadow. i felt like throwing up, so i went into the bathroom, and saw Nat standing weirdly in the corner, leering at me and looking kind of floppy like he was swaying and might fall down at any moment. i gave a strangled yelp because i realized that Nat was still in the shower. There were two of him in the fucking room.

Jesus christ, this is hard for me to even type! it is making me physically ill.

(kittens! and bunnies! and rainbows, and ice cream, yay!!!)

...So, where was i?

Oh yeah: so Nat cries out, and tears aside the shower curtain. What's wrong?! he asks me. i am practically having a seizure with panic as he hugs me, dripping wet from the shower, and all i can do is gesture wide-eyed at the creepy-smiling figure (of him) standing 4 feet away. Nat looks mildly surprised, but starts moving quickly and explaining that everything is okay, this is just a small problem with the time warp scenario. He ushers me out into the hallway and closes the door.

Flash forward in the dream, Nat (both of them) has dreadlocks and is wearing all of these weird cloth arm bracelets. i am so terrified of Nat#2, that the original Nat has made him crouch in the corner of the bathroom and stay out of our way. Needless to say, i have not set foot in that bathroom for almost 2 weeks. Suddenly, someone has left the back door open and Molly's strawberry-blonde toddler is heading for the (treacherous) back stairs, and we are six stories up or something. i close the door just in time... She is asking me where her mommy is, but telling me that everything is ok, because her mommy is watching all of us, right now. She is painting one of her weird kid-style oil paintings on the floor, with that damn pen.. i am shivering, and clammy with sweat and terror. Now Molly's parents are coming home from their vacation, but they already know that she is dead, and they think it was an accident, but they want to talk to us anyway. i should be relieved, but i am not. i keep telling Nat that i "want to go" (back to our own time, maybe?).

Forward more in the dream. i realize that the "real" Nat is in fact an impostor, after noticing that he has been unusually rude and cold towards me. At some point, a switch has been made. i can tell because he is rather too meticulous in detail, too perfect. The real Nat has hair that is more sun-bleached, and some of his cloth arm-bands are tattered and faded. i go to him in the bathroom, break the spell, and we hatch a plan to get rid of the (evil) clone Nat, or whatever he is.
Fast-forward, we are on a train platform, and we send the Fake off on some random errand, with his bike. He looks suspicious as he pedals off, and i can hear the train coming, from, it seems, an eternity away... i want the sound of the train's whistle to make me happy, to make me feel better, but instead it feels like it will never get there in time, to save us.

So yeah. The end. Or as they say in the world of films,

..-~F I N~-..

Dream. World.

Had some crazy, involved dream about Madame Tussaud's last night.

I was participating in a treasure hunt with Nat and Addie (the BF and the BFF, respectively), and it was late at night. They had discovered some old dusty photograph, showing an old woman wearing a lovely violet dress and standing in the front yard of a towering Victorian house. The sky in the photo was grey, the kind where no-nonsense dark grey is creeping in to the light areas, and you know it's about to rain. The house itself was all lavender and purple and grey and brown tones, and everything matched. The freaky part was the woman's facial expression/smile- it was huge, almost exaggerated, and dare i say nearing the gruesomeness of Richard D. James' startling album cover for his Aphex Twin album I Care Because You Do. Her hair was all '30s style; silvery grey and waved close to her head.

Anyway, i cried out excitedly, "That's Madame Tussaud!" and Nat and Addie both looked at me, blankly shaking their heads. "You know, with the life-like figures... the wax figures?" i continued hesitantly. Addie sort of started to get it, and we hurried off down a dark alleyway in search of our next lead.

I think i had this dream because of two things: 1, Nat found a paycheck from school in his backpack that was dated all the way back in June (i know- wow). It was for $1500, and i thought it would be fun to surprise him by buying us tickets to the S.F. Treasure Hunt in February. This event always neatly coincides with the huge Chinese New Year's Festival, and even though it costs $30-$40 to get in, the money is for charity. The last time we did it it was for a homeless shelter. This year it is for a circus school and a cultural center! Woo-hoo. Blah blah blah, i ruined the surprise by asking him first. Of course he basically said no, because February is not a convenient time for him to be missing school or running off for the weekend. Bummer. i think i am more sad about it than i initially realized :/

Secondly, while April and i were driving home from the Bay Area on Monday, we took the wrong (well, a more inconvenient one, anyway) freeway for awhile and guess where we ended up? San Jose, the home of the Winchester Mystery House!! i could barely contain my excitement. Ever since i was little, i've always wanted to go to that place, but for some reason my family never made the trip, and none of my friends in high school were willing to drive 2 hours to visit the eccentric home of an eccentric (read: crazy) woman. Frustrating! Anywho, we actually drove right by the house itself, and i've gotta say- even from the outside, it's quite a sight to behold.

Someday i will get in. i will.

So all of this subconscious detritus contributed to my dream last night, i guess. In any case, it was a very exciting thing to wake up from; my heart was racing. It's almost like living vicariously.

In other news: starting to really enjoy Dengue Fever. Never thought i could be into this music, but i find myself waking up with the songs already in my head. i am a slave to it!! Help me.

In other, other news: time to fill out the old absentee ballot. In addition to the huge importance of electing the next president of the united states, there are a number of very worthy propositions on this ballot as well. At the risk of alienating people (ha ha, i flatter myself that anyone actually reads this!), i will tell you that i am absolutely positively voting no on Prop 8 (because gay people getting married is so obviously nothing but a boon for our society), and a resounding Yes on Prop 2 (because all animals should be able to perform basic movements, assholes). Also, for once, there is a measure to give more psych treatment/drug counseling to nonviolent offenders, thereby keeping them out of jail! Wow, are we finally evolving?! I am amazed. Yes, yes, yes. Oh yeah, and i've got to fill in that little bubble next to McCain's name, of course.

Um, just in case that got lost on any of you: i jest. Barack all the way. i love herbal-tea-drinking elitists! i can so totally relate; i have chamomile and rosehips in my cupboard. Ah, the intellectual life!

So yeah. I dreamed about the earthquake in China. The boyfriend thinks i'm nuts, but i know i'm not.
Yesterday morning i awoke from a dream about the worst earthquake imaginable happening. I was still living here in San Diego, i think, and hiking up a steep mountain trail to visit a nature preserve or something. Around a bend, there were some guys with a truck working on the road, and it appeared that my path was blocked. I was just starting to ask if it was possible to get through, when my words were suddenly swallowed up by the ground violently shaking and undulating. We were all knocked off of our feet, and suddenly the Earth literally rotated, somehow(!), so that down was up and all around. i found myself dangling into nothingness and grabbing clumps of dirt and grass, desperately trying to hold on and stay alive while everything around me moved and shook. Clods of dirt fell on my head, tumbled off my shoulders, and disappeared beyond my frantic kicking legs to the shoreline "down below", which seemed to be a million miles away... It was kinda like the ending to that movie Sunshine- did anyone see that? Time and space were all skewed and maniacal. It was terrifying.
Then the earth re-aligned, there were several, violent aftershocks and suddenly i was lying on the path gasping for breath and wide-eyed with fear. I looked around, but the truck and all but one of the road crew guys were gone. He looked scared. i told him i wanted to go home, and pointed down toward the beach, but he just shook his pale face at me and said "uh-uh. It's all gone, now. You can never go back." I was crying and crying because i knew i would never see Nat again.

Hm! Then i woke up, made coffee, and tried to shake the feeling of almost having died. I turn on the computer to check my email, and there it is. A story about a horrible earthquake in China, having occurred hours before. What in the hey? Did i feel it happening, somehow? Did i "predict" it? Was it just totally f***ing random??? I suppose i'll never know. I have lived through a terrible earthquake (the Loma Prieta, 7.1, in the Bay Area; i was almost eleven), so i suppose it is possible that this was merely a dream pieced together with the brain's natural detritus (memories/experiences). Bizarre, either way.

Obviously, i feel terrible for everyone there. As with all natural disasters, my heart goes out to them. i hope that soon they can get back to some semblance of normalcy.

In other news, because i hate feeling all heavy, i have been noticing lately in my news-reading YouTube-ing forays that an awful lot of folks are freaking out over being "FIRST!" in the comments to any given video (or article). Of course i find it to be extremely annoying, mostly because i feel like you would have to be one self-important son of a bitch to get your jollies that way. But then i began to notice another phenomenon: a growing number of "Frist!"s.
Now, generally someone later on in the comments will remark on the sorry state of the #1 commenter's life. They will point out that in their haste to be something so lame as "First!", they actually managed to spell the word itself incorrectly. And for awhile i would force a "fft" of bitter agreement out at these observations, until it dawned on me that perhaps this "First" phenomenon has actually (please forgive my use of the word) evolved. Maybe, just maybe, it has mutated much the way that leet speak has, into a purposeful misspelling. (See "teh" or "!!!11!!1!")
Seeking to further my knowledge on this subject, i typed "frist first comment" into my Blackle search bar and waited for the results. Hmmm... not much, to be honest! But i did find a farcical representation of a generic first-poster here, which was somewhat enjoyable. And the comments to that video itself were further illuminating. However, it looks like the post is from a year ago, which means i'm way behind on my internet trends. Not surprising. I guess if anyone were reading this blog, they're probably type "old" in the comments below, but that is a whole 'nother phenomenon. I'm sure the "old."sters and the "Frist!"sters are nothing but the best of friends; people who are just whizzing around, experiencing the internet as one would "experience" a book if they just held it open with one hand and flipped the pages quickly past their thumb with the other, not actually reading a thing but maybe picking up on some random, chaotic words.

In other news, there are wild parrots, crows, seagulls, and even the occasional duck flying by our windows at any given time of day. Lovely.