The visiting fam and i rented 4 movies from Blockbuster to fill the void left by the fact that i don't have television (apologies to anyone who ever stays with us in the future!) to help entertain. Here's how it went down:
Year One: Jack Black literally eats a piece of shit in this movie. Is there anything else that needs to be said? (Although, one small concession offered here, because the first shot of Michael Cera shows him gathering strawberries while talking to them lovingly. So delightful and tender.) To be fair, i was in the kitchen for about 85% of this film, and only listening, but the review stands. Also: David Cross plays Cain, and is tragically not funny, something i'd heretofore thought impossible. Sort of an ADD version of Mel Brooks' History of the World.
Echelon Conspiracy: So, the half-nerdish half-suave techie "hero" looks and sounds exactly like Doogie Howser here, and that's the only thing this movie's really got goin' for it. Which is sad, considering that Ving Rhames and Martin Sheen are also present. What a terrible waste. Think Bourne Supremacy as a student film. Also, texting plays a major role in this film. Ouch.
Sunshine Cleaning: Can i have this hour and a half of my life back? Please? This was one of the worst films i've ever seen, in almost every way: Terrible script, annoying acting, hollow premise and character development, wasted talent (Steve Zahn and Alan Arkin both), just– everything. The best part was the one-armed man, although when is that ever not the case? i learned from this movie that i want to kill Amy Adams, even adorable children cannot save a waste of celluloid, and that maybe i don't want to be involved with crime scenes in any way, after all. (used to watch C.S.I. and dream, who didn't?) The only memorable or moving scene was Emily Blunt hanging from an elevated train track at night, train flying by overhead and sparks being thrown about. But still, i do not forgive.
Worst. Movie. Ever.
Our fourth and final selection, a wildcard movie about used-car sales called The Goods, ended up being the surprise favorite. Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames (again!), Ed Helms, and Craig Robinson (as a highly unstable, yet dedicated DJ) wound up making our night. A team of crack used-car salespeople converge on Temecula to save a friend's car lot. The comedy is a little hard to pin down–base? raunchy? something like that, only better–but the wit is sharp and you are definitely rooting for these people, although you will never, ever, understand why. i read a review somewhere stating that only people with mental problems would find this film funny. Guilty as charged.
*NOTE: i found this Thanksgiving-era post in my 'drafts' folder. oops! Bet you're wishing i'd left it there, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?! Well, too bad. And since you made it this far, i will reward you with this, via flaunted's photostream on Flickr.
Just look at all that turtley goodness.
::crunch::
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