a return to an end

Not that anyone would be missing anything, but i think i may stretch out this computer-abstinence thing i've got goin' on. While Nat was away, i realized that far too many of my waking hours had been spent peering intently into the little screen of my MacBook, searching for something (anything!) more interesting and better-spent pursuing than my actual dismal existence... this saddened me quite a bit. True, i worked quite a bit this past weel, and spent too much of my leisure time watching a bunch of movies (Once, Control, Amélie, Tokyo!, and other good'uns), but i actually got some other stuff done, as well. Like finally picked up a book off the shelf that i'd not got around to reading. And dusting the HECK out of my bedroom, which lifted a ton of weight off the old conscience, and probably the lungs, too. i realized that i've been running, and hiding, and procrastinating, for too long. it's time to figure some stuff out. i don't have any idea what i want out of life, and that cannot be a good thing.
As much as i want to check in with The Daily Coyote and Pioneer Woman, it is simply too tempting. Remember the time when we didn't have computers? i sure do, because it wasn't really all that long ago for me. 2006, i believe. And i did stuff back then. San Diego has deadened me to the point where i would rather hole up in my room all day and read about amazing stuff that other people are out there doing than go out and live my own damn life. It's gotta stop. i can't be so closed-off anymore. There are things that need to be sorted out, figured out.

And as much as this is probably just wishful thinking, i would like to take a break? From all of the amazing things that the internet has to offer. It's time.


In other news: what do you think makes a bird fly in any one direction? Do they leap up and just... follow the wind? Head towards the light? Find a favorite tree? Do they have favorite trees? Or is there some other instinctual force moving them ever forward, onward? i want to know the answers to these things.

The other morning, i awoke at 7:34 a.m. to a loud rumbling sound. i precisely remember my very first thought: oh fuck, is my upstairs neighbor slamming doors at 7:30 in the morning now, or what? But then i woke up a tad more (read: opened my eyes, which had been glued shut with sleep) and realized that i was standing in the bedroom doorway. Instinctively. And it hit me: there was an earthquake! Cool! And i did the right thing, without even thinking about it... how bizarre. Is this because i am a California Kid? Who knows. i was impressed with myself, anyway. It was like someone i didn't know was living right beneath the surface, a take-charge kinda gal who knew how to deal with what life threw at you. i liked that.

Also, a friend of mine from work lost a roommate to an intentional drug overdose last week. Another friend from work actually witnessed a man falling from six stories up and landing on the car in front of her. He did not live. i guess what i'm saying is: life is short. You know it, and i know it, and now they know it too late. There are so many things to do, and so little time to do them. All i know is that if i died tomorrow, i would not be happy. This has got to change. Be it reading books, or taking a different bike ride, or a new bus route, i need to get out of here. There is no time like the present.

i may check in from time to time (who am i kidding, i know i will), but it's sayonara for a little bit. Curtain call, or what have you. Perhaps this is only... an intermission?

Joanna Newsom - "En Gallop"