Taste the rainbow.

Fact: i am pretty smitten with the Amish (and i suppose, the Mennonites and other various 'plain' cultures). A long time ago at a stained glass store far, far away, my friend Sherri, a thin bookkeeper with artsy glasses and short hair, gave me a book called Plain and Simple.

i read that thing from cover to cover in a couple of days, easy. Inhaled it. The thought that there could be another way of life, free from stuff: free from technology and advertisements, traffic noise and ATMs, swimming pools, brand names and artificial colors and flavors, free from all things hustle-bustle, really invigorated me. In a powerful way, i yearned for that life. Yarn, oxen, wood and grass felt very real, and very close.

As an entirely non-religious person, however, it was a conflicting feeling. i have never understood the need to believe in something that somehow 'explains' 'it all'. The 'answers' are all around us, all of the time. It seems to me that faith in one's self should be first and foremost; without that, what do you really have? On the other hand, losing yourself so completely to a shared way of life with the close-knit community around you sounds mighty appealing to someone like me: a self-centered anxious hermit crab who is always wondering what everything 'means'.

All of these feelings were refreshed by the book Nat recently gave me, The Riddle of Amish Culture, by Donald B. Kraybill. Written in 1989, it certainly feels a bit dated, and being that it is a sociology book, it leans heavily on the history, customs, and belief systems of the Amish, really quite different fare from the personal, day-to-day quirks i had read about years ago in Plain and Simple.

Not surprisingly, there is a fair amount of bloodshed and martyrdom in those old (Protestant) roots – religion tends to have a stain of that wherever you find it. The belief system is really quite simple: obedience to Christ. They separate themselves from the evil (modern, outside) world, and excommunicate errant members of their society (shunning*). Sounds severe, no? But they value hard work, patience, and humility, three things which i live by.

Then i came across one simple sentence that flipped a switch in my mind: it reminded readers that in Amish society, wives are meant to be subservient to their husbands. [an insider discussion here.] Obviously, this is not unique to the Amish people, but it got me thinking: did a religion exist in which women held equal sway? After all my waxing romantic over the Pennsylvania Dutch, i was suddenly left hotly bitter.

With a bit of searching, the only one i could turn up was the Bahá'í faith, a religion formed (quite recently) in 19th-century Persia. In fact, if i was forced to ascribe to a 'recognized' spiritual belief system, it would probably be this one. The unity of humankind seems like a pretty simple idea to me, and one worth striving for. i'm sure i'll find my problems with it, though, just like i have with every other religion, faith, and creed out there.

For now i suppose i'll stick with my particular blend of heathen nature-worship. It's what i do best, certainly, and it's carried me this far... i am filled with reverence every single day, and it's never once felt forced. Having a healthy spiritual life has never really figured far up on the ladder for me, but maybe it was there all along, quietly flowing. That wistful Amish life i'd always dreamed of will remain a fantasy, and i will have to be content with mooning over the Mennonites at the farmer's market of my hometown in Montana, offering their beautiful jars of rose-hip jelly. Our religious differences don't have to be an impasse - it doesn't mean we can't still connect as human beings.

Unfortunately, however, this can be the reality in our world. But maybe next time instead of worrying that a Plain teenager will balk at (or silently judge) my bright pink hair and sparkly eyeshadow, i should just strike up a conversation about, say, goldfinches, and see where it takes us.



















*Check out Devil's Playground for a modern, somewhat sensational portrayal on Rumspringa, the period during which a young Amish person 'grows up', and decides whether to live their life within or without.

lord, save us (from ourselves).

So, i'm looking up the ifs and the hows of popping popcorn with coconut oil (what? i'm trying not to buy butter so much) and while the majority of the information i found was informative and even exultative, somewhere along the way i stumbled upon this gem of a paragraph on the "about" page of amishcountrypopcorn.com:

When Brian was nine years old he came to realize that he was a sinner in the eyes of God, deserving Hell; but that Jesus Christ came to die for his sins, would forgive him, and save him. All he had to do was by faith repent of his sins and trust Christ to be his Savior. If you have any questions about going to heaven, serving God or popcorn...

...seriously? When you were nine, Brian? Was that around the same time that you started referring to yourself the same way that Bob Dole does? Interesting. And what's the deal with that sentence that trails off there, at the end? Should we contact you for some sage wisdom? Or are you implying that we're already screwed because we don't know the answers yet? Please advise.

Further:

The people who know Brian would tell you that he is known for the following two things: serving the Lord and selling popcorn. His main goal in life is telling people everywhere how to be saved.

Holy hell. Sorry, but i guess i'd rather get my "Lady Finger Popcorn" and "Buttery Topping" (thanks for not including an ingredient list on that, btw) from someone whose main goal in life was, well, producing quality popcorn products, not proselytizing. Sorry, chappie! i'm sure you're a nice fella, though, and surely Heaven-bound, which is all that matters, really, in the end.

Whew! Were you wondering whether there was any possible subject on this earth safe from my acerbic and inexhaustive negativity? Really, you should know better.

more "excruciating minutiae"

Why is the pope such an asshat? Is it because he wears an asshat? Seriously, what could possibly provoke someone into saying that condom use worsens the AIDS epidemic?

The Roman Catholic Church believes marital fidelity and sexual abstinence are the best way to prevent the spread of HIV.

Hey, wow, that's really... nice. i'm glad that you "believe" that, i really am. But um, try telling that to someone whose spouse cheated on them and then gave them HIV because they didn't "believe" in using condoms. They're just following your rules, right? Your friendly and helpful suggestions? For getting into "Heaven" maybe?

How about we all stop worrying about the "next" fucking "life" and concentrate on this one, howsabout that for a change?

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Unrelated: i made lemon meringue pie tonight. After a spectacular crust failure, i got back on track and am hoping it will be delicious. Certainly looks and smells divine... i bucked tradition and used brown sugar instead of white, added vanilla bean to the filling AND the meringue, and added some ground almonds to the crust. But Will It Float? i'll keep you all posted (because i'm sure you are just dying to know...)

Related to the Unrelated: i am hitting brick walls on the suicide-hotline volunteering angle. Hm. Need to keep looking. Especially now i have more fodder for my cannon: Making Pie. Also, Eating Pie. If someone tells me that they just can't go on, i'll say: but have you tried making lemon meringue pie before? smelled the fresh smell of a lemon on your hands you've sliced into it and squeezed it dry? Separated eggs while mulling over the spectacle of life? joined the offerings of cow teats and threshed-and-pounded grain into a flaky crust? carefully measured in the sugar and salt, stirred with a tool over a primitive flame and then baked the whole thing until your kitchen smells dreamy? mehtinks that if you were gazing upon the fragrant, browned peaks of meringue and salivating at the mere thought of all that underlying tartness, you'd be okay. at least for the nonce.

and the nonce is really all we have, isn't it?

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apples to... apples?

See how great "faith"* is? It requires that human beings actually have to work at bridging the gaps it creates between, well, other human beings:

Obama said the office would also work to reach out overseas "to foster interfaith dialogue with leaders and scholars around the world."

Hmmm. i love how complicated religious beliefs make human relations. Instead of simply a dialogue on a basic human level, we have to translate, soft-step, and by gum make sure not to offend anyone. Does this sound like something anyone needs? Not to me.
And then there's this:

Before signing the order at the White House, Obama told the annual National Prayer Breakfast that the program would not show favoritism to any religious group and would adhere to a strict separation of church and state.

Um, i'm sorry, isn't it a little late for that? Replace the word "program" in that sentence with "government-funded religious kow-towing" and you have hypocrisy, or at least a little blindness, and for sure a lot of glossing over.

If this money was simply being spent on secular community-enrichment programs, perhaps we could actually begin the slow shift away from the divisiveness and fervor that has caused such a mess in this country (and others) for so much of our history. Are we really to believe that there is such a need for faith-based organized outreach? If a program was non-denominational, would those struggling communities who were adamantly pious turn up their noses at the help? i would really like to think not, and so the question becomes: Is this another form of pandering? Is the administration (and believe me, i know Obama is not the first to do this, but i will say that i am somewhat more surprised by it, by him) simply glad-handing a specific population of supporters who may be fickle, especially when it comes to their God-given rights/belief system?

i am just saying: why are we paying people, on the government level, to shake hands with any religious order, i don't care which one? This honestly makes no sense. Yes, i am agnostic. Yes, i do believe that a lot of religions contain good lessons to be learned form their beliefs, and good, honest practices being used by people, every day. However. This just seems a little bit like... dare i say, special treatment? Do they need to be hand-held and patted on the head because of some special significance? Is a Christian community center any more in need (of money, volunteer work, supplies, etc.) than a secular one? i really just don't get it. Someone, please clarify.

Also, sorry for using so many hand references. Toodles.

*the version of the word "faith" i use here is the one which is specific as being heavily burdened with saccharine religious connotations.