"Muldoon knew."

...this was, absurdly, the most frequently heard phrase by yours truly at a gathering this past July 4th. Visiting friends-of-a-friend were there, drinking lots of Tecate, and at some point Jurassic Park became the topic of conversation, after which there seemed to be no going back. The most contentious point became whether or not Muldoon knew how the raptors were going to behave when he hunted them.



i feel like he certainly wouldn't have willingly walked into his own death (i.e. "knew"), although on the other hand maybe he simply realized his bell was tolling and wanted to go out doing what he loved (observing the habits of large game), and had no idea what he was truly in for.

As the empty red cans multiplied on that end of the table, i wondered if the heated conversation would ever end. On a side note, i would totally wear this T-shirt:



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Other highlights from the afternoon:

~A cantaloupe was passed around with a Sharpie. We drew the continents of the world on it, rather competently, until someone passed it to a drunken P., who attempted to draw Asia with non-political lines. When he passed it back, the whole thing had suddenly become unintelligible.

~On the succulent-covered hillside a few feet away from our outdoor table, a lizard's severed tail lay covered in ants. Apparently the cat had had an interesting lunch. i heard that the tail twitched for almost ten whole minutes. It was actually pretty beautiful, covered in precise geometric scale-designs.

~Watermelon slices were marinated in a tequila bath, then sprinkled with black salt. The run-off from this strange polygamy resulted in a sublime concoction which we drank down in tiny cupfuls at the end of the evening with gusto and delighted surprise.

~Halves of navel oranges sat brightly in tree-branch crooks collecting yeast for our host's future beer-making endeavors.

(apparently the theme of the day was fruit... i even brought triple-berry yellow cupcakes.)

So, all in all, not sure if patriotism was the theme of our day but a good, strange time was certainly had by all.

twirling, whirling.

i truly do not recommend washing your face while you are sobbing quietly. Not only does the bowliness of the sink magnify your pathetically held-back sobs, but you will be rubbing snot all over your face. Trust me on this. On a related note, one day i may begin categorizing the colors of human malady. i have been coughing up some soul-shuddering shades of green lately, and the interest with which i scrutinize these things is beyond me. Why do we study them so? It reminded me of having a bad bruise: what could be more arresting than waking up each day to see what new hue has appeared on your thigh? Magenta, grey, blue-green? And in the seventh grade i used to tie rubber bands around my finger tips to experience the plethora of sensations: cold. numb, colorful. Pointer fingers always turned an angry red, like a schoolmarm. Ring fingers were always meekly pale and jaundiced, while pinkies turned alarming shades of purple, like children holding their breath. There probably wouldn't be much of a market for this type of collection, though. Maybe i'll stick to collage.

In other news: mistletoe has been hung, greens festoon the apartment, the tape and wrapping paper and scissors are lying about. It may be frantic, but it's the happy kind. We even had–wait for it– rain.

Next year we are sending out a photo card with us in christmas sweaters! It will be grand. i'll have to try and give it some sort of seventies photo-finishing effect, plus i need to practice my poses.
Also: i'm thinking of having a buy-nothing holiday next year? Might be nice, you know: only friends, family, games, baked goods, (hopefully) snow, candles, and so on and so forth? No Amazon.com, cardboard boxes, packing slips, removing (or neglecting to remove) price tags. Hmmm. Sounds like a win.

Catch you on the flipside.

Bad things come in threes.

It's true!*

The visiting fam and i rented 4 movies from Blockbuster to fill the void left by the fact that i don't have television (apologies to anyone who ever stays with us in the future!) to help entertain. Here's how it went down:

Year One: Jack Black literally eats a piece of shit in this movie. Is there anything else that needs to be said? (Although, one small concession offered here, because the first shot of Michael Cera shows him gathering strawberries while talking to them lovingly. So delightful and tender.) To be fair, i was in the kitchen for about 85% of this film, and only listening, but the review stands. Also: David Cross plays Cain, and is tragically not funny, something i'd heretofore thought impossible. Sort of an ADD version of Mel Brooks' History of the World.

Echelon Conspiracy: So, the half-nerdish half-suave techie "hero" looks and sounds exactly like Doogie Howser here, and that's the only thing this movie's really got goin' for it. Which is sad, considering that Ving Rhames and Martin Sheen are also present. What a terrible waste. Think Bourne Supremacy as a student film. Also, texting plays a major role in this film. Ouch.

Sunshine Cleaning: Can i have this hour and a half of my life back? Please? This was one of the worst films i've ever seen, in almost every way: Terrible script, annoying acting, hollow premise and character development, wasted talent (Steve Zahn and Alan Arkin both), just– everything. The best part was the one-armed man, although when is that ever not the case? i learned from this movie that i want to kill Amy Adams, even adorable children cannot save a waste of celluloid, and that maybe i don't want to be involved with crime scenes in any way, after all. (used to watch C.S.I. and dream, who didn't?) The only memorable or moving scene was Emily Blunt hanging from an elevated train track at night, train flying by overhead and sparks being thrown about. But still, i do not forgive.

Worst. Movie. Ever.


Our fourth and final selection, a wildcard movie about used-car sales called The Goods, ended up being the surprise favorite. Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames (again!), Ed Helms, and Craig Robinson (as a highly unstable, yet dedicated DJ) wound up making our night. A team of crack used-car salespeople converge on Temecula to save a friend's car lot. The comedy is a little hard to pin down–base? raunchy? something like that, only better–but the wit is sharp and you are definitely rooting for these people, although you will never, ever, understand why. i read a review somewhere stating that only people with mental problems would find this film funny. Guilty as charged.

*NOTE: i found this Thanksgiving-era post in my 'drafts' folder. oops! Bet you're wishing i'd left it there, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?! Well, too bad. And since you made it this far, i will reward you with this, via flaunted's photostream on Flickr.

Just look at all that turtley goodness.

::crunch::

family matters.

Well, it's day two here up in Whitefish. Our plane landed with a sharp thud in 9 degree weather, and Nat got to see fluffy, puffy, powdery glittery snow for the first time. It was lovely. The rental car is like a spaceship, but whatever. Have already had some good times and some very tense moments with The Fam. It has warmed up today quite a bit; a balmy 21 degrees. The snow is falling off the trees in cascades, glittering the air.

Happy christmas eve to you all. Good luck to all others out there in the same situation i'm in. Trying to deal with a big family vacation is quite a balancing act. Not all of my presents have been shipped here yet, so not everybody will have something from me under the tree. But you know what? It's really not about that. It's the little things. Don't sweat 'em, and make sure to appreciate 'em. Life is definitely not rough, not by a long shot. And i even got to put tinsel on the tree, even though my sister (and Nat, i'm fairly sure) can't stand it. Woohoo!

Happy holidays to you all.

a shameless endorsement.

Well, it's that time again. The freakin' holidays. And i am here to promote my mom's lovely items.

Basically, she takes a lot of photographs. Close-ups of lichens, flowers, rock and cactus textures, etc. Also, some stunning landscapes from around the area where she lives. The other side of her art consists of fractals. For those of you who aren't familiar, fractals are math-based patterns that she generates on her computer, then rocks them through Photoshop until they are just amazing. It actually takes quite a bit of time, which most people don't realize. And what does she do with all these images, you might wonder?

Well, a long time ago my mom bought a heat-press, for designing T-shirts. Then she bought a mug-press, so we could put our own pictures onto mugs. This has been a years-long process for her, and she has become quite good at it. She's always been interested in functional art, which i love because being able to actually use a gift is a huge bonus. So she makes glass cutting boards, tiled boxes, coaster sets, mugs, pillows, mousepads, etc. etc.

In any case, i promised her i would put up a post about all of this, in the hopes that somebody might like what they see and order some stuff for the holidays. Like i said, shameless ;) But i love my mom, and i want her to be happy, and this is what makes her happy. Ideally she wants to be able to quit working for IBM and do something creative, which of course i want to support. She has done so much for all of us, and anyway it's not like this stuff is easy- it's quite labor-intensive. She makes every piece herself, and the best part is that you can send in your own photos and she can customize stuff for you! Woo-hoo! For instance, i have a morph-mug with an image of our old cat, Calico, that i make tea in every now and then so i can remember her. Then again, i'm a sentimental old fool, so who knows if this appeals to you. But take a look and see if you dig it.

Her website is here, and her Etsy account is here. And lastly, her Zazzle account, where you can get the mousepads and many other things as well. Zazzle is a strange place, so don't be frightened ;)

Ummm, what else? Yes, some of my favorites:

(a cactus photo that has been altered; i have this as a mousepad and adore it),

(a photo of some glass flowers that she tweaked; there are actually many variations on this one, and all are great!),

(a set of black cups with 3 different versions of a prickly pear- these are soooo pretty in real life!),

(an awesome cutting board!),

(this is simply a beautiful photograph; a claret cup catcus that was in her backyard),

(one of my favorite fractals; also comes in pinkish greens),

(this is perhaps my favorite of all. i have the large rectangle cutting board of this one, and every morning i look at it and am blown away. This is a shot of some hills in Red Rock Canyon, near Las Vegas.)

..Seriously, the photos don't even do them justice. And i'm not just saying that because it's my mom, they are really, really lovely. Of course i understand if all of this is not your cup of tea, that's cool. But i just had to give a shout-out. Other favorites include the swimming pool cutting board, anything with a hibiscus on it, and the yucca photo, plus basically all of the lichens and rock texture photos... there are just so many!

And the truly great thing about the cutting boards is that they are glass, so they don't retain odors (like garlic and onion and whatnot), or get moldy or scratched; they are super easy to clean, and please don't be afraid to actually cut on them, i do it multiple times a day. Everything is dishwasher-safe, if that matters to you, and it's a great way to have your kitchen lookin' real pretty. You can also use the cutting boards as serving plates, or trivets.

Okay, okay. You guys have endured enough. Honestly, thank you. And no pressure! I'm sure there are only one or two people reading this, anyway, but every little bit helps. Happy holidays, folks. I'm off for a bike ride before it gets dark (really? at 4:30? sheesh.)


In other news: last night i spotted a near-perfect capital 'A' in the cracks in the driveway outside my building. Rad.

In other, other news: White Chalk is possibly the most melancholy, plaintive album i have ever owned. i love how PJ's piano sounds just a tad out of tune, or old in some way. That girl's got me covered in chilly goosebumps.